Solitaire
by CheshireMisfit
Summary: Two struggling boys, both keeping secrets. What happens when one is revealed in the worst possible way, and the only way out of a twisted reality is to discover all of the things left unsaid? AU Akuroku and Zemyx
1. Empty Apartment

Hey everyone! It's me, Misfit, and I would like to introduce you to my first fanfic! It's a multi chapter, yaoi (Akuroku), AU fic, and yes, it has a plot line. Which I have plotted out -gasp- Anyway, please don't flame too hard, no matter how much you dislike it, because then I get sad, and emo, and, as people have told me, my hair is far too poofy for me to be emo. Go figure, huh? Anyways, I already have the first two chapters typed, so I'll be able to update fast, so please stick with me I hope you enjoy it, ta! 

Warnings: Yaoi, Akuroku (AxelRoxas), slightest Zemyx, cussing

Disclaimer: Axel, Roxas, and other Kingdom Hearts related characters belong to their respective owners, Square Enix and Disney, of which I am neither.

Alright, let the story begin!!!

**

* * *

**

_**---**_

_**-------**_

**_S . o . l ._ i _. t . a ._ i _. r . e_**

_**-------**_

_**---**_

**P r o l o g u e**

I stumbled over broken pieces of glass, the scant light in the desolate realm reflecting off the shimmering fractures. I tripped suddenly, and barely caught myself before I plummeted to the ground. Looking back to see what I had slipped on, I saw a large piece of crystal sticking out of a small mound, as though planted purposefully on that very spot. I staggered back over to it and picked it up, accidentally cutting myself on the sharp edge. I hissed from the pain and happened to look down, catching a scene playing out like a movie in the small mirror.

It looked like an average Christmas setting, with a family laughing near a fireplace, a little puppy running around everyone's feet, and a small boy sitting in an old man's lap near the middle. Something about him piqued my interest and I looked closer, my nose almost touching the strange substance. Short, spiky flaxen hair, both eyes a bright sapphire blue, a slight smile gracing his porcelain features—

I dropped it with shaking fingers. I couldn't stand to look anymore, for I knew now what I was walking on. The mirror-like fragments, they were all of his shattered dreams, the hopeless remains of what could have been. I bowed my head and kept walking. The only thing that mattered now was the future. The future, that is, if we even had one.

* * *

**Once upon a time, in a land not-so-far away, but just out of reach...**

* * *

Chapter One: Empty Apartment 

The cold, early morning wind swept around a lone figure, the slight breeze teasing already messy red locks. The man breathed in deeply, inhaling the humid air that signified the calm before the storm. Shrugging his black coat on a little tighter and digging his hands into the worn pockets, the redhead continued walking through the deserted street. He took another step, narrowly avoiding a puddle, and resumed his journey toward a place just as lonely as the road.

**.A .**_ x _**. e . l.**

It was sprinkling by the time I arrived at my three-room apartment, the skies thundering their disapproval. Oh, and by 'sprinkling', I mean in terms of the weather here in Hollow Bastion. Basically, it was raining cats and dogs, and not just any cats and dogs, mind you, but the "lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" cats and dogs. Yes, I know bears aren't in the cat or dog family, but right then, as I was tearing off my soaked, favorite, and completely ruined black hoodie and watching the water drainage nearly flood the room, I really, really didn't care. You know why I didn't care? Well let me tell you. In short, it was the worst day of my life. It was awful, rotten, thoroughly appalling, terrible, and all those other words I'd need a dictionary or a language filter for that mean 'unpleasant'. There was one good thing that happened, though, that made it memorable. I learned the secret about life: I sucked at it.

I walked across the white tiles to my bedroom, my footsteps echoing around the room, filling it with just another empty sound. I stumbled through the doorway and collapsed onto my small bed, my feet hanging off the edge (yes, it was that short. No, I'm not just insanely tall; you just have to blame the bed on this one.) Laying face down in my red comforter, I realized I couldn't just stay under a rock (or blanket, in my case) and hope Life would look at me, say 'Haha, look at him, he's so miserable,' and pass me by completely after getting a good laugh.

I cast out a hand from under my pitiful heap of limbs and comforter and groped around almost drunkenly for a light. My hand finally came in contact with a small chain (after, of course, knocking over two books, a brush, and an alarm clock), and I tugged it toward me. There was a loud click, and light filled the room. I sat up, my back cracking loudly as I grabbed the book I had knocked to the floor, figuring I might as well do something worthwhile if I had enough time to even think about sleep. Psh, sleep is like an urban legend for me, just like breakfast and the man on the moon.

I glanced at the cover, reading the fancy, embellished script that was trying its best to pass itself off as 'real' four hundred-year-old lettering. I glared at it.

"You 'n' me, buddy. Both trying to be something we're not. And failing miserably."

I read the title, and smiled a bit. At least this was something I had heard about. Romeo and Juliet: Rewrite of the Original Romeo and Juliet by the great literary legend William Shakespeare. I flipped to the first page and began reading the book. A few minutes later, I was still stuck on the first line. All the Olde English was getting to my head; I just couldn't figure it out. Suddenly, I dropped the book and groaned loudly, knowing I would get nowhere without outside help.

Checking the alarm clock (still on the floor) to make sure it was 'after eight and before twelve,' as I had been instructed, I grabbed the phone and started to call my best friend, Roxas. I grabbed the phone, my fingers already dialing in a number they had long since memorized. Roxas could help me with Shakespeare; he probably knew it by heart already. Reading and writing literature is what he does in his spare time, crazy person that he is. He's cool though, once you get to know him. _If_ you get to know him.

That's another thing about my best friend, he's really closed up.

It took me about two years to make even a small crack on that icy exterior, but, as he has told me in his own words, "You have managed to worm your way into my heart, your fire melting my ice, and I'm still not sure whether to be angry or grateful." But he kept talking to me after that, so I'm still hoping it's grateful. The thing about Roxas is that he views emotions as weakness, and if you show your emotions, you're showing weakness. Roxas is the type of person whose normal smile never reaches their eyes, but their real smile never touches their mouth. Someone once said that the eyes are windows to a person's soul, and, for Roxas, I guess they were right.

I was pulled back to reality by the low, boring dial tone of my phone, followed by the crackling static of someone answering.

'H-hello?" A croaky, groggy voice came through the earpiece, making me grin for the first time that day.

"Why, hello, Sleeping Beauty," I said, interpreting the croakiness as tiredness. "And how was your hundred year long nap?" I flopped back down on my bed, the phone cradled between my ear and shoulder as I picked my book back up.

"A-Axel?" Yes, okay, my name's Axel. What were my parents on when they named me? I will never know. I turned my attention back to the person on the other line as they stammered something else out. "Axel? O-oh, I thought you were- no, listen, I need to come over, right a-away." The statement was filled with urgency, and the voice cracked at the end, as though suppressing tears.

I sat up straighter, genuinely concerned. "Rox? Roxas, what's wrong?" Roxas never showed weakness, hardly ever showed any emotion, for that matter. What could've happened?

"I'll explain later, I'm c-coming now." There was a dial tone, signaling he had hung up.

"Well that's informative," I said to the empty air, but without any real anger in my words. I ducked under my bed and pulled out a spare blanket and a pillow, items I had bought specifically for when Roxas came, and laid them out on the couch in my living room/dining room/kitchen. Hey, when you've got a three-room apartment, a lot of things have to fit in one space, one very _small_ space. I even made hot chocolate, just in case. In case of what, I had no idea, but it helped me feel just a little more prepared.

The second I made a move to grab some cookies (hey, cookies help everything, no matter the problem), the door bell to my room buzzed.

"A-Axel?" There came the same, weak voice I had heard over the phone.

"Coming!" I yelled as I ran to the door, slamming the abused, rotting piece of wood against the wall. Beyond the threshold stood Roxas, looking more vulnerable than I had ever seen him, heck, more vulnerable than he probably looked when he was born. His clothes were scratched and torn, his golden hair matted, and his eyes were full of unshed tears. One pale hand clutched a worn blanket, the other a tattered suitcase.

"Shit, Roxas, wha—" I was cut off as Roxas suddenly tackled me, his pale arms wrapping all the way around my thin waist as all of his tears came pouring out in a torrential downpour that could rival the storm's outside. I hesitated briefly, and then slowly put my arms around the shaking blonde. I led my best friend over to the couch, careful not to make any sudden movements. To be honest, I had no earthly idea what I was supposed to do; I'm a guy, damn it! Even with my handicap, though, I was a best friend, and I sat down on the couch, pulling Roxas down next to me, hugging him close.

"Shhh, Rox, shhh. It's okay now, shhh," I rubbed Roxas's back soothingly, my hand moving in small circles as I continued murmuring small reassurances that were, in all likelihood, not true.

The sobbing stopped after awhile, and Roxas's breathing evened out into a regular pattern, and it seemed my friend had finally cried himself to sleep. Which is a really crappy way to fall asleep, let me tell you.

"Rox?" I put two fingers under his chin to find his eyes scrunched closed. "You awake?" I asked, using my free hand to brush a few stray hairs out of his face. Roxas's only response was to tighten his grip around my waist and bury his head into my chest. Talk about _awk_ward. I mean, sure, he's my best friend and all, in a time of need, but something like that'll still bring a blush to my face.

I sighed and gently slid an arm under his legs, lifting his up and carrying him into my bedroom/study. Setting Roxas softly on the bed, I carefully tucked him in with the spare blanket. I grabbed my red comforter and made to leave the room, only for Roxas's hand to shoot out and grab my wrist the second I took a step away. Startled, I looked back to see one hazy sapphire eye staring back pleadingly.

"Don't…leave. Please…don't leave." The request came out muffled and frail, as though he didn't want to be saying it but knew he would have to.

"Sure, Rox, whatever you want." See, I said this on the outside, but on the inside, I was a panic-fest. What was I supposed to do? There was a line here I didn't want to cross, but it wasn't exactly painted in neon pink for me to see. Sighing heavily, I decided that my personal turmoil could wait, and Rox needed me right now, even if he'd yell at me later.

I went over to the bed and sat down as far away as possible yet still close to my small friend, only for my efforts to maintain space be ruined as Roxas latched onto me again. I sat back awkwardly, half on and half off the bed, as Roxas fell back asleep on my arm. Feeling the circulation cut off in the grip of the blonde, I sighed again and glared at the ceiling.

"You sure have a lot of explaining to do."

* * *

**And then, no one guessed it, but...**

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, that was the first chapter! I hope ya liked it! -reads last sentence- Whoa. That sounded a lot like Goofy O.o A-Hyuck! Ha. Just kidding. Please review! They're food for the writer's soul! Tell me what you thought was good and what you thought was horribly, horribly wrong. Ta for now! 

Love,

Misfit


	2. Noncommital Truths

**A/N:** Hey, everyone! Thanks so much for reviewing, favoriting, and alerting the last chapter! It made me so happy, it really did, and so I wanted to write more, and so I did. Funny how that works out, eh? -wink wink nudge nudge- Anyway, this chapter's kind of short, because I had to end it where I did, and I had 'one of those days' today, which was bad. Roight, here's chapter two, from Roxas's POV, because I'm switching every chapter. Something I forgot to add in the last chapter, and will do so now, is that 'hajime' means begin (I think) and 'owari' means end. A lot of people do that, I know DX but until I find something cooler and suavier and originaler I'll have to make due XD Also, this chapter is dedicated to **The Mad Empty Shell** for being my first reviewer ever, and to**.my.melancholy.angel. **for being my second reviewer ever. I'll treasure them, I really will :P

**Reviewers: **

**The Mad Empty Shell**: Ohhh! Thank you so much! It means the world to me, it really does. And guess what! You are my first reviewer in the history of, well ever, so you are completely awesome and full of win. This chapter is dedicated to you, in case you don't read authors notes just like I don't XD

**.my.melancholy.angel.**: Thank you ever so much for reviewing! I'll continue it, heh, look! I'm continuing it right now P And it's reviews like your that make me do it Food for the writer's soul, they are. Thanks again for reviewing, I hope you enjoy it!

**Favorites:**

.my.melancholy.angel.

**Alerts: **

The Mad Empty Shell

orange.tictacs

paupu fruits rox

**Disclaimer: **Disclaimer: Axel, Roxas, and other Kingdom Hearts related characters belong to their respective owners, Disney and Square Enix, of which I am neither.

**Roight, let the chapter begin!!!**

* * *

**And then, the unthinkable happened...**

* * *

Chapter Two: Noncommittal Truths 

The wind fluttered through an open window, dancing through waving curtains and blowing cool air gently across two sleeping faces. One of the figures shifted in their sleep, tossing in turning in the breaking dawn's light. He shuddered, but not from cold as one would expect. His fear was from something else entirely, something in his own mind, a dark seed in his dreams that caused him to relive his pain again and again, never letting him escape his own prison cell of past memories.

* * *

**R . o .**_ x _**a . s**

The first thing I noticed when I came to the painful world of reality was warmth. Lots and lots of warmth. This, in turn, made me wonder if I was dead, which wasn't all that unlikely all things considered. I winced as I moved my stiff joints, the light pain telling me I was not, in fact, dead. Too bad. Without opening my eyes, I tried to roll over on the hard surface I was laying on, only to find my way blocked by a familiar body, er, person. Said person slowly opened their eyes and looked at me with confusion. Clouded green orbs locked with my own sapphire ones.

"Rox? What're you doing here?" Inside, I smiled. Axel was the only one I ever let call me Rox. I looked back up at Axel's face, noticing for the first time the dark circles under his eyes, and the gaunt look to his features. Guilt racked me instantly—he had enough of his own problems to worry about, who was I to burden him with mine? I smiled slightly at him, one of the few people who could actually make me do so, and marveled at how he always seemed to put others before himself. Maybe I could try doing that. Now's as good a time to start as any.

"Hey, Ax. Go back to sleep," I told him gently. "You need it."

The stubborn idiot frowned and struggled to get up, propping his head on his hand when he couldn't get that far. "Well duh, but not everyone can get what they need."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Isn't it that not everyone can get what they want?"

He smirked slightly. "Of course not. This is the twenty first century, where every want is a need. Besides, I have my internship to go to, remember?"

"That can wait," I told him sternly. "Besides, you won't be able to become a great psychologist—"

"Neurological researcher." I couldn't believe he still had the energy to correct me.

"—if you're half dead all the time! You said yourself you weren't doing anything important! Sleep for a day, you should recover for now," I commanded, giving him my best do-it-or-die glare.

"But, you, and your—" The poor boy, he tried, he really did. No matter.

"Worry about me later, worry about yourself now."

I didn't give him any time to argue, just swung my legs off the bed and stood up, wobbling a little from my sore muscles. I turned back around and waited as he gave up and fell back asleep. Well, that's one good deed for the day, score one for Roxas!

Walking back to the kitchen/dining/whatever-Axel-wants-it-to-be room, I saw my old suitcase and blanket still lying on the floor near the door. I must've dropped them when I, er, grabbed Axel.

I put my suitcase near the bedroom, closing the door so I wouldn't wake up my best friend as he slept. Suddenly with a lack of things to do, I glanced around, looking for something productive. I saw the fridge, and an idea sparked within me. I wonder…how long has it been since Axel's had an actual breakfast?

xXx

I stirred the eggs in a 100-year old pan I had found at the bottom of a dusty stack of cooking ware. I mean, seriously, this guy must like live off microwave dinners. I'm surprised he even had a spatula, quite frankly. I danced around a little bit as I scrambled the now yellow food, hips moving to a rhythm that only existed in my head. Flipping the eggs, I put them on a plate and turned around just in time to catch the toast in midair. Cue applause, please. If only someone had seen that…

"Very nicely done, Rox. I didn't know you had such mad cooking skills."

I whirled around and saw Axel watching me with a familiar wicked smirk on his face, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. My eyes widened as I wondered how much he had seen (a.k.a. my horrible dancing) and I turned my head so he couldn't see my blush.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me," I retorted, going back to my breakfast of champions.

"Now eat, mister, or I will, and I mean it, do the whole choo-choo train and tunnel deal, maybe even the air plane if you annoy me enough."

He just laughed, as per usual, saying, "Oh no! Not the airplane," as he sat down, looking at me with gratitude shining in his eyes even through the joking exterior.

There were a few minutes of comfortable silence as we both ate our way through my cooking, which was pretty good, if I do say so myself. Finally, Axel sat back, hands interlaced across his stomach.

"That was…There are no words to describe how splendidly wonderful that was, Rox. I had thought that breakfast no longer existed, really. You have proven me wrong. Congratulations."

"It's just great because you had someone else cook it for you, as in, it wasn't burnt to a crisp," I reprimanded, but I still gave him my little half smile, my eyes crinkling at the edges. It slowly disappeared as I saw his face grow solemn, and I knew what was coming next.

"Rox…" he started, and he looked at me to see if I was going to say anything without a prompt. Seeing he wasn't getting one, he continued in a less passive manner. "What the hell happened to you yesterday? You show up at my house completely out of the blue—"

"I told you I was coming! Sort of…" I was making excuses for myself, I knew. I just…I just didn't want him to know. Not yet. Not now. I didn't want to lose him…

His glare silenced any other interruptions. "You arrive at my door in tears with scrapes and bruises all over, a _suitcase_, and this look on your face like the world had ended. Then you latch onto me, still sobbing, and then cry yourself to sleep on my couch. I had to carry you to my bed, and even when I tried to leave, you wouldn't let me go. Now, I'm not heartless, and I'm going to be a good friend, so excuse me when I say _what the hell happened to you?_"

I hung my head. It was too early, I wasn't sure what would happen if I told him… all the others had been scared, had run away. A scant few had tried to get something done, but I couldn't let that happen, so I distanced myself from them. I knew this would happen if I came here, but…I was so scared last night. So scared it might be the end…I knew I needed Axel right then.

I shifted my head slightly so that blonde hair fell across my face, covering up my moment of indecision. "It's…ah, I'll…no, listen, please, please don't worry about it, okay?" Seeing he was about to explode, I hurried on. "Ax, this is something…I'll tell you about it soon, okay? Just not, just not now." There, at least I could stall for a bit, prolong it just a little loner.

"Rox…," he began threateningly, but sighed when he saw my resolute expression. "Well, okay. I'll just have to accept that for now." I smiled a genuine smile at him, glad he understood the why behind my request, if not the what. "But what are you going to do now? Do you need to stay here again, or…?"

Wasn't that just like Axel, so fiercely loyal to the ones he cares about. He had a short fuse and a shorter temper, so easily angered and yet easily calmed again. He was a good friend, and I… I was glad he was one of mine. He deserves more than what they give him at that facility of his. He did bring up a good point, though. I knew I had to go back. I went back every time.

"No, thank you. Thank you, so much, Ax, for everything. For putting up with, me, for being there. Thanks." Wow, was that a heartfelt speech or what? I think that was pretty good, considering I really meant it.

"Don't worry about it, Rox; I'm just trying to help." He stood as I got up to leave, and held my suitcase out for me.

"Axel…" I began, but stopped as I was pulled into a gentle hug.

"You know you can come over whenever you need help. Whenever you need anything, Rox, I'll always be there for you. Just come by any time." Okay, so he totally owned me at the whole heartfelt speech thing, and it touched me, it really did. He never acted this way with anyone else, saved a suave, arrogant façade for the others, but he broke it just for me. I smiled a sad smile, and walked out the door.

"Thanks again, Axel."

xXx

He never came back

* * *

** And then, no one guessed it, but...**

* * *

**End Note: **Ha, hoped you enjoyed it! Fun little cliffy there, and you start to see that not all is as it seems . I'm still swishing around for Roxas's character. (Spoiler alert right here) I saw him walk away from Axel with the coldest look on his face, then I saw him on the clock tower smiling happily and calmly eating sea salt ice-cream. I'm not exactly sure where the medium is, (maybe he's bipolar? XD) but it seemed like he was putting up a mask when he was walking away to hide his true (coughfeelingscough) so I figure he does that a lot. Maybe it's just me XD Anyway, up next is Axel's work place (ha, yes, I made him study the brain. It was going to be the heart, but then a few things wouldn't work out, and that'd be a tad cliché, don't you think?) And Xigbar, (the surfer pirate wannabe dude, who rocks socks), Zexion, Demyx (I am a Zemyx supporter, so there'll be slight mentions), and Vexen make an appearance!


	3. Grunt Work

**A/N:** Hey, everyone, and welcome to episode three of Solitare! Or, well, chapter three, but you get my point. It's Axel's POV again, and he's kind of OOC, but I'm not used to writing not-my-own characters, so hopefully I'll be able to even him out some in the time to come. Just as a side note, I really, really hate this chapter. I've rewritten the beginning twice, and it still came out forced. I guess it's cuz there's a lot of information all at one time, huh. Well, anyways, I apologize for the inane chapter, I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Oh, and I decided I'm just going to reply to the reviews instead of just posting an answer up here, because that seems like the much nicer, better, and all around cooler thing to do.

**Alerts: **

Hinna

Night Sapphire

The Mad Empty Shell

TheOptimisticPessimist

evil alien chickens

paupu fruits rox

orange.tictacs

**Reviewers: **

Hinna

TheOptimisticPessimist

**Thanks so much! It means tons to me. Y'all have my love 3**

**Disclaimer: **Axel, Roxas, Xigbar, Zexion, Demyx and other Kingdom Hearts related characters belong to their respectful owners, Square Enix and Disney, of which I am neither.

* * *

**And then, the unthinkable happened...

* * *

**

Chapter Three: Grunt Work 

The soft moonlight shown through a half shuttered window, the faint rays barely illuminating a pale face lying sideways on a wooden desk, frown across its features as its owner murmured in his sleep. Papers were scattered haphazardly across the hard surface, some loose documents knocked askew and on the floor. A small voice was heard, echoing in the darkness, whispering, "Rox…don't leave. I'll protect you, just…don't leave." And all was silent.

* * *

**A .**_ x _**. e . l**

I groggily opened my eyes, struggling against the crusty covering between my lids as I slowly became more aware of my surroundings. Stretching slightly, I arched my back over the chair, feeling rather than hearing the sharps cracks it made. I raised a hand to cover an enormous yawn, my still sleep-clouded brain trying half-heartedly to figure out where I was.

I retraced my step from the night before. Let's see- arrived at the Southern Neurological Ailments Research Center, or SNARC, at seven to start work, worked, ate an apple for lunch, worked, ate a nine o'clock dinner consisting of reheated Chick-fil-a, worked, ten…ah crap. My head hit the desk again, scattering a few of the papers I had apparently work all night to finish and fallen asleep on top of. I picked a couple up, checking for damage, and was relieved to see they were only slightly smudged. Shuffling the report back into its previous order, I put it in the 'Finished' box, feeling proud of myself. Proud, that is, until I turned around and saw the much-higher-than-the-other stack in the 'To Do' box.

I groaned loudly and stood up, feeling as though I had been mauled with bloodhounds, pulled through a steam roller, then dragged across the country backwards. Working out a crick in my neck, I decided that falling asleep on a desk at three a.m. was _not_ good for your health. I staggered over to the window, wondering what time it was, and pulled the blinds. I was instantly hit with an incredibly bright blast of light, my eyes shutting automatically as they tried to block out the harsh sun. Eventually I was able to open my eyes again, and I judged from the sun's position that it was about eight. Five whole hours of sleep- a new record! It was only four last night.

Half limping over to the door, I glanced back inside the room, bits of bright, warm light shining through the window, rays creating thin strips of yellow on my desk in a prison bar pattern. I turned and shook my head, wondering if a prison was still a prison if you went in willingly.

Barely suppressing another yawn, I cradled a coffee cup in my hands, staring into the murky depths of the black liquid as if they might contain the secret of life. Or the secret of getting enough sleep. Hey, whatever works, right?

Suddenly, I heard the door to the kitchen, where I was sitting, creak open behind me. Soft footfalls echoed quietly throughout the room, coming to a confused stop a few seconds later. I finally looked up once I heard the chair next to me rattle backwards, and was surprised to see someone I recognized.

"Mornin'," he drawled. "Finish those reports yet, kid?"

The man had neat black and white hair pulled back into a crisp ponytail, not letting any strands escape. He wore a Cheshire Cat grin that matched bright, golden eyes that constantly seemed to twinkle at some unknown joke. The most peculiar thing about him (out of the many), though, was the eye patch over his right eye, where he was said to have lost an eye in a lab accident—something about fake Pyrex glass. **(1)**

"Good morning, Doctor Xigbar Nakamura," I said softly, returning his greeting with his full title, unlike he did with me. Then again, as the vice president and the actual president's son-in-law, I guess he has the right to call everyone 'kid'. "And no, I haven't. Still, I'm half way through Multiple Sclerosis, and after that I'll be done."

He chuckled. "A tad slow, aren't you?"

"Maybe. Depends on your view of things." I responded, getting miffed his needling. Usually, one hint of condescension and I'd snap like a rubber band under too much pressure. Short fuse and anger issues, remember? Not good to have in a workplace.

"Sure, sure, whatever. Just make sure and give them to me by the end of the day. We have a new patient coming in tomorrow, never seen anything like it, and we need everyone ready."

"What is it?" Anger gave way to curiosity, and I raised an eyebrow.

Xigbar laughed in that all-powerful way of his, and held up the file he was holding. Stamped sloppily across the cover in large red letters was the word 'Confidential'.

"You aren't high enough up the food chain yet." He said, smirking.

"It's not like you're giving me a chance to be," I told him, working to make my voice soft, though sparks of anger were shooting through. "This grunt work isn't exactly the greatest way to prove yourself."

Xigbar arched an elegant eyebrow, looking at me with irritation, delight, and… was that respect?

"Grunt work?" He repeated, his tone both curious and amused.

"You probably have ten different reports on Multiple Sclerosis," I said, telling him what he already knew, "each of them containing the same information. You have to know people to get anywhere here, that's the cold, ugly truth. You can fancy it up, tie a gold ribbon on it, say that everyone has to work their way up, but that's what it boils down to, isn't it, Dr. Xigbar?" My eyebrows snapped down, and I glared at him, cool exterior vanished, finally broken by his nonchalant attitude.

Out of all the things I expected Xigbar to do, he did none of them. Instead, he just grinned that wicked grin of his, eyes lighting up in clear amusement, as though life was a game, and I had just thrown a wild card onto the field. "I like you, kid. I liked you in your resume, I liked you in your interview, and I like you here. You've got spunk, and you're right. You sure figure things out fast. Now, if you keep that up, boyo, I might be able to, say, land you in this new experiment we've got going…"

"You're the Vice President and the boss's son-in-law. I don't doubt you can pull a few strings," I said, getting right to the point, but still wondering just how far I could take this, and how long Xigbar's glee with me would last.

Xigbar laughed again. "Depends on your view of things," he said mockingly. The black-haired man turned and waved the manila folder in his hands at me again. "Seven a.m. sharp, Room 813 (**A/N:** Oh, you know I had to), West Wing, don't be late."

"A test," I said, finally realizing what was going on. That's why he had come in here, he had expected me to snap. Xigbar stopped in the middle of the doorway, then paused and looked back to me, grinning.

"Damn straight. I'm putting you on this to see if you'll sink or swim here in the big leagues. Don't disappoint."

"I won't," I reassured him, but he was already gone.

* * *

I arrived the next day filled with the strangest medley of excitement, anxiety, and sleep deprivation. Go figure, huh? I'd come early, 6 o'clock, actually, just in case I got lost. Which, of course, I invariably did, lucky me. It's not my fault every bleached-white hallway looked exactly the same. I blundered around for twenty minutes before ending up right where I started, which was, in fact, the right place. 

I walked stealthily through the hallway towards my destination, trying not to get caught by any other personnel. I made it into the chalky white waiting room with no mishaps, stopping a few times to pretend like I was doing something important whenever a random person in a white scrub looked at me funny from outside the room. Glancing at my watch and noting I had thirty minutes to kill, I reached down to grab one of the ancient magazines on the glass coffee table. Seriously, you could donate these to the Smithsonian they were so old.

Suddenly, I felt someone watching me. With a frown, I looked up from the _fascinating_ article on the bad effects of eraser dust and straight into the golden eyes, no, eye of Xigbar. It sparkled humorously as I jumped back with a shout, half falling off the couch. The edges of his face crinkling slightly, and he extended a hand to help me stand up.

"You're early, I see," Xigbar said as a greeting, motioning for me to follow him with one perfectly manicured hand. I gulped, and came with him out of the room. "Just as well, really. So are we."

He gave me a grin that would've sent a lesser man running, then stopped outside the appointed ICU room. Three men in black suits, two with blonde hair and one with hair of the strangest mixture of purple, grey, and blue, were already waiting for us. Xigbar quickly introduced me to each of them.

"This is Dr. Zexion Dakocel," he said, gesturing to the, oh, let's call it gwurple haired man, who stared at me impassively. "Dr. Vexen Mecadaci." That was the man with long blonde hair, who seemed as though he had lived under a rock his whole life. "And Dr. Demyx Tenurcon. **(2)" **The last man gave me a jaunty wave, his strange Mullet/Mohawk hybrid bouncing. These people sure had strange hair, though, I guess, not as strange as my own red spikes. "They'll be helping me in trying to discover the source of our new patient's…dilemma. Esteemed doctors, this is my latest apprentice, Axel Aiden."

My eyes widened. _Apprentice?_ Before I could question his statement, however, he winked at me, as though saying, "_Play along._" And play along I did, not that I had much choice. Everything I did lately seemed completely expected, like even though it was my own choice, everything had been orchestrated from the beginning. For now, I would just take the short pieces of script they give me, and figure everything out later. Improvising always was one of my strong points.

I shook myself out of my thoughts in time to see one of the men frown –Vexen Mecadaci, was it?- and step forward, knitting his fingers together in front of him.

"Dr. Nakamura—"

"Dr. Nakamura is my father," interrupted Xigbar with a slightly bitter edge to his voice. "Please call me Xigbar."

"Dr. Xigbar," Vexen began again as Xigbar nodded, seemingly appeased. "We did not receive adequate information regarding the subject, so we are not quite as prepared as we would like to be. Might you enlighten us?"

Xigbar smirked his trademark smirk and maneuvered himself in front of the door, blocking our entry as though to make it more dramatic.

"Gentlemen, what you are about to see is possibly a completely unique situation, nothing like it has been seen in the history of neurology. Because of this, we have only our wit and intelligence to fight our way through, no manual on this one."

I took a moment to look at the others, wondering what they thought. Zexion and Demyx had an eyebrow raised, inspecting Xigbar with curiosity, while Vexen seemed completely unmoved.

"Get to your point, Dr. Nakamura." I winced. Note to self: don't get on Vexen's bad side. Glancing up, I saw Xigbar's eyes narrow before a smirk crossed his face once again.

"Now, now, let's not get hasty. And remember, dear Vexen, that you are on this team at my discretion. I can take you off just as easily as I put you on," Xigbar said softly in a dangerous tone, authority simply radiating from him. Wow, Xigbar was whipping out the big guns. And boy did he have big ones, too.

Vexen blinked, temporarily thrown, then bowed his head. "My sincerest apologies, doctor. I did not mean it in that way."

Xigbar cocked his head. "I see. Am I to take it that you were merely expressing impatience for information?" Whoa, it's like he can turn the 'I'm professional, here me roar' face on at any time; it's getting scary how fast he changes. "Very well, I'll take a few seconds to debrief you. The subject in the next room is in a deep state of unconsciousness (A/N: yes it's a word). He is completely comatose, and cannot be wakened by any means."

"But there are plenty of people in comas, what makes this one so special?" So Dr. Demyx finally speaks. Nice voice, kind of bell-like. Xigbar, of course, didn't stop to appreciate the finer qualities of his voice, and rubbed his hands together gleefully, as though he had been waiting for this question.

"That, Demyx, is exactly the reason I called you here. See, our patient today has put himself in the coma. Not by physical means, either, mind you. Instead, he retreated inside his mind to, we believe, escape the world around him, creating what we see as his own reality, from which he either will not, or cannot, escape. It was psychological, a defense mechanism to repress either mental or physical abuse. He seems to be wandering through what he has created with no purpose, not interacting too much with anything we send his way."

"Wait, doctor," I interrupted, speaking out for once. "You say that you have observed him in his 'reality'. How you are doing this?"

Xigbar chuckled at me, reaching out to ruffle my hair as though I was some five year old. "Good question, and I'm sure my other guests are wondering the same. We have, through careful study of the human brain, been able to create a machine that, in essence, allows us to delve into the thought process. However, his brain recognizes us as intruders, and immediately starts attacking the person looking for him."

"Looking for him? I don't understand."

"The human brain has two parts, the actual neurons, axons, 5th grade biology stuff, right? Then, on a higher level, is what actually makes us alive, the conscience, you could say. Morals, beliefs, emotions. Life, really."

"That has not been proven, and emotions are said to come from the amygdala and the hypothalamus," interrupted Vexen.

"No, it has not, and you are partially right, but I have come to believe that my machine works on that higher level, for it does not have any effect on the actual material of the brain, yet allows my workers to interact with each other through it. It also makes it possible for us to tap into our patient's reality, though we have not been able to see his actual being. Every time we get close to it, a barrier attacks the prober. We have reason to believe it would have to be a family member, someone he trusts, someone his mind would not rebel against who could get through that barrier."

"Have you tried anyone? Has his family been alerted?" Demyx asked, concern in his sea colored eyes.

"That's the thing. He was brought to the previous hospital by a stranger who said that he had found him huddled by the side of the road, already deeply unconscious. He had cuts and bruises all over him, not to mention near-hypothermia from being out in the cold so long. Abuse seems likely, for no one has come to claim him, nor does he have a medical record on file. That's the problem we've got. Until we can find someone to go into his reality, we cannot find anyone close to him."

"Catch 22," I murmured under my breath, wondering how this particular mystery was going to be solved.

"Very well. Considering we can get nowhere by simply talking about this, how about we venture inside and take a look at your 'unique' patient, Dr. Naka-Xigbar?"

Xigbar smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. "Yes, let's." He reached out one pale hand to grab the metal door handle, then took a deep breath and turned it, pushing the door open. He stepped to the side as the rest of us filed in. My gaze went straight to the screens above the bed, flashing with vital signs, then slowly wandered down to the patient himself. My eyes widened, and the blood drained from my face. I walked haltingly to the bedside, my hand gripping the rail so hard my knuckles were white. It…couldn't be…not…no…

On the pale stretcher, halfway hidden beneath a cotton blanket, lay Roxas, trapped in his own reality, completely oblivious to mine.

* * *

** And then, no one guessed it, but...**

* * *

**References:**

(1)- Pyrex glass is a special type of glass that can stand a sudden change from extremely hot to extremely cold, then back again. It's used in scientific experiments because where the test subject goes, the glass goes too, so you need glass every bit as tough as whatever you're experimenting on, and much more. If it was fake, then the glass would shatter, sending little glass pieces everywhere, including, say, someone's eyes. Note to reader: Always wear goggles.

(2)- Yeah, I was so totally unoriginal on their last names. Zexion's is just 'Cloaked' rearranged, Vexen's is just 'Academic' rearranged, and, yes, you guessed it, Demyx's is just 'Nocturne' rearranged. Heh, they turned out alright, though. I'll keep'm as they are. Xigbar got a whole new name, though, because he's just cool like that and rearranging Freeshooter would be far too long. ;) So did Axel, but his last name means 'fiery' and it sounds cool, even if it's two 'a's together P

**End Note: **Whoops, was that_ another_ cliffhanger I just put in there? Tsk tsk, hmmm? Anyway, I hate this chapter. The ending's alright, but I really had to force it out, and it seemed to drag because it was such a filler chapter. Pokes it with a stick I rewrote the beginning twice, and I'm thinking I should probably rewrite the middle now, too. I will later, just, I'm too tired now. Overall, I think I got my point across, though I'm not all that brain-emotion savvy, so correct any horrible spellings I made. I tried to look it up, but the internet kept disagreeing with itself. Interesting, eh? Anyway, sorry for the crap chapter. I'll do better next time, promise. Speaking of next time, in chapter four we go to Roxas to see what happened before he was comafied, and a few questions are answered. After that, it's just one more chapter, and the plot unfolds in all of it, erm, plottiness.

Anyway, please review, and thanks for reading! Reviews make me write faster, and then you get more chapters. Or, y'know, you could just review cause it makes me happy…anyone? No? Alright then. 'Til next time!

Love,

Misfit


	4. Midnight Sky

**A/N:** Hey guys, sorry for the long wait, but Life kinda got to me, ya know? It would be so much easier if i lived in the KH world, where I wouldn't have to learn math, I mean, sure, I could kill the Heartless with quadratic equations a.k.a. darkness' true essence, or I could just bash its brains out with a metal keyblade. Right, sorry, rambling. I've been sick a lot lately, and had musical auditions today (made it past the third call back! One more left to do...). So, yeah. I love the flashback on this one, it's sweet, but the rest of it is...o.o... Too much angst. I'm trying, y'all, it'll get better. Hopefully. Possibly. Yeah I think I'll stop there...

Rightio! On with the show! I hope you enjoy!

**Alerts: **

Hinna, Night Sapphire, The Mad Empty Shell, TheOptimisticPessimist, evil alien chickens, paupu fruits rox, orange.tictacs, xdearest mistake, AnimePenguin

**Reviewers: **

.my.melancholy.angel., orange.tictacs, AnimePenguin,

**Woot! Thanks! I love you all!**

**Disclaimer:** Axel, Roxas, Xigbar, Zexion, Demyx, Vexen (Woah a lot of 'em this time) and other Kingdom Hearts related characters belong to their respectful owners, Square Enix and Disney, of which I am neither.

**Warning: **Angst. More cussing. Angst. Violence. Angst. Horrible writing. Heh. Did I mention angst?

* * *

**And then, the unthinkable happened...**

* * *

-Chapter Four: Midnight Sky

_**The narrator would like to note that this happens the day Roxas leaves Axel's apartment**_

A frail individual shuffled along a crooked sidewalk, broken and flashing streetlights barely illuminating the way. He skirted around a pool of cracked glass, beer bottles littered randomly across the accompanying unkempt yard. Tucking his head down a little more, he kept his eyes on the path, knowing that the only way out was to face the very fears he had been running from.

**R . o .**_ x _**a . s**

It was a bleak autumn day, the crisp wind whistling through empty streets, twisting into small dust devils as it made its jaunty way across the world. It was that time of year when the days were slowly shortening, the nights becoming longer as the air became cooler, the wintry escapades gradually stripping the almost barren trees of their remaining leaves.

It was through this realm of changing seasons that I walked, a bit of both fall and winter present in my surroundings. Dragging my feet, I finally returned to the one place I hated most. Past the bent mailbox, over the chipped walkway, in the overgrown grass, to grandmother's house we go, yeah? Except this time, there really was a wolf at the end of the trail. I reached the splintering piece of wood that served as a door and lightly touched the dirt covered handle, twisting it slowly and slipping in. My feet padded on the worn carpet, coming to a stop at the end of the hall, where a small table with a picture on it sat silently in wait.

"I'm home, mum," I said in a soft voice, my eyes travelling across the old black and white snapshot. In it was a tall woman with golden hair, a childish face, and jovial blue eyes that twinkled at me from under long lashes. She had died when I was three, leaving me at an orphanage for seven years, as she didn't trust my father to be able to 'care for me'. When I was nine, my father took me from the orphanage to come live with him after a successful (and fraudulent) legal battle. I, personally, think it was for the childcare money.

"Roxas?" A voice rasped from somewhere to my left. I winced, and walked through a doorway, bowing my head respectfully.

"Yes, Ansem, sir?" I said, folding my hands behind my back, waiting to see if he had noticed my absence yesterday. The blonde haired man staggered up, leaving a sunken spot on the couch where he had been sitting.

"Guess what," he started out calmly enough. "Guess what." I knew it was just the beginning. He was like a spring all wound up; small in the amount of space it took up, but filled with energy just waiting to be released with one accidental trip of a wire.

"I came home today, yes, here, the very home I provided for you, and you…well, you weren't here, were you? And neither was dinner. So where is it? Cause it most certainly isn't on the table where it's _supposed_ to be, bitch! I came home after slaving all day to feed you, and where's my reward for working my ass off to make you happy? What do I get for trying to help you?" He shouted, spittle flying.

"I don't know, sir," I said quietly, waiting for the explosion. Anything I said would trip his spring, so I might as well get it over with.

"_Disrespect!"_ My sorry excuse for a parental figure roared, his eyes bloodshot and the pupils contracted, staring at me with alcohol-induced rage. "That's all I ever get! Who works all day? Me. Who pays the bills? Me. Who only asks a few things of you? Me. And then you have the _nerve_ to run away from all my kindness? What'd you do? Forget to come home? Forget to make dinner? So many other things you've forgotten, I guess I shouldn't be surprised! Well, forget _this!_" By then he had managed to drag himself to where I stood, towering over me. I knew what was coming, and barely winced as his backhand smacked across the left side of my face.

I calmly pressed my palm against my cheek to stop the stinging, and then let it fall. The man, if you could call him that, in front of me growled, angry at my lack of reaction. He slapped me twice more, knuckles grazing my cheekbone. It didn't matter. Not once did I cry out, not once did I let my stony exterior crack. Not once did I show him the hurt he caused, both by his hands and his words.

The next blow he landed drove me to my knees, the air rushing from my lungs as he pulled his fist back from my stomach. He kicked me in the side, once, twice, laughing again and again in a high-pitched, almost insane way as I fell to the dirty floor, unmoving. I didn't fight back, I never did. Fighting back only made things worse. Besides, I only had one year left. One year, and I'd be free. I could last that long, I knew I could. I knew I could.

"That'll teach you some respect, you lousy piece of shit. Maybe next time you'll be smart and save yourself the trouble of running. You always come back, anyway," he sneered, my eyes dull as I refused to look up. "You're nothing! You're nothing without me, you're worth nothing, you have nothing! You have no rights! Without me, you don't even have the right to be!"

I still didn't say anything, just stared at the ground through half lidded eyes as he left. I heard his footsteps die away as he entered the kitchen, and only limped to my room once I was sure he had settled. Two months ago he had broken down my door, so there was only a small, musty curtain as an obstacle. Here, at least, I was mildly safe. Well, as safe as I could get with a madman down the hall.

I collapsed on the green futon in the corner, face down in my pillow as I gasped for breath, determined not to cry as I hugged my pillow to my chest. After a few minutes, I sat up, finally under control. As I made to lay back down, I saw a small paper triangle sticking out from under the cover of my pillow. I gently tugged it free, smoothing out the yellowing edges with calloused fingers. It seemed so familiar, like a memory buried deep in the confines of my heart.

At the top of the parchment was a sloppily taped picture, depicting a young girl with blonde hair, eight at the most, who stood laughing while carrying a small brown-haired boy piggyback, other children playing in the background. Messy, crabby handwriting sprawled across the space below the picture. It was smudged in places, ripped in other, but the message was still legible:

_Never forget all the times we shared,_

_All those instances you showed you cared,_

_Cared, yes, cared for me_

_When no one else would._

_You wanted me to be all I could be,_

_Showed me just how far_

_I could reach,_

_Showed me the stars,_

_And how bright they shine,_

_Gave me a reason to see, _

_Without my eyes,_

_Spent effort and work and all of your time,_

_Being the bestest brother ever to me._

_All my luv, _

_Your Sky_

A dark splotch splashed on the old paper, followed by another, then three more. I raised a shaking hand to my face, pulling it away from my cheek slowly, frightened of what I might find. The fingers glistened as though I had dunked them in a lake on a midsummer day, wet with what I knew were tears. They always shine brighter than regular water, always, as though they are filled with the broken pieces of the heart of the owner.

I closed my eyes, unable to stand the sight of the letter anymore, the childhood dream, the broken promise, and remembered a time oh-so-long ago, with friends alive only in my memory.

.:-_**Flashback-:.**_

(A/N: The past is coming, the past is coming!!! You knew I'd have one sooner or later…)

_"Roxy! Roxy!" A small brown and green blur tackled me to the ground, giving me no time to defend myself. Sighing, I picked myself up, helping my attacker to his feet and dusting the red dirt off us both._

_"Sky! You have to be more careful! You could've hurt me, or worse, you could've hurt yourself! And why are you running so recklessly? It could've been someone else, or you could've missed, or..." I reprimanded him._

_"My keeper showed me where you were. 'M sorry, big brother," he said, using his other term for me as he dug a hole in the ground with his foot, avoiding my eyes sheepishly._

_"It's okay, just do better next time." I told him gently, using a soft tone to show him I didn't mean the sharpness in my voice, that I was just worried about him. "And why do you insist on calling me 'Roxy'?" _

_He grinned at me cheekily, glad to know I wasn't mad at him. He grabbed my hand and asked if we could sit down. I led him over to a bench, then told him to sit back on it, which he did. Sky was so trusting, I knew that trait will come back to haunt him one day…_

_"Because you call me Sky," he said, eyes focusing just to the left of my head. _

_"I call you Sky because you have eyes just as brilliant as the world above us, silly. But Roxy doesn't mean sky." _

_"Well, I call you Sky because it's fun, silly! Don't you do things just for fun, Roxy?" He looked back up at me, sucking on his thumb._

_"Well, of course, Sky. It's kind of hard not to with you around." I told him._

_"But you're always taking care of me! How can you have fun taking care of me?" He frowned, eyebrows tilted downward._

_"Oh, I have fun, Sky! You're fun to be with, don't worry."_

_"I know, I know. But sometimes, you just seem so lonely." He turned around, eyes closed as he listened to everything around him._

_"I'm lonely? How can you tell?"_

_I was, actually, wondering this. Sky, or Sora, as everyone else called him, had been blind for almost his whole life, starting with an accident at the hospital. His parents died shortly after he was born, leaving him with us, the Safe Place for Abandoned and Rescued Kids, or SPARK, where he would always liven up our day with his immediate trust, sunny smiles, and optimism. Sky was an amazing person, and I hated that he was stuck here when he could truly be someone out there._

_"Sight is not only for the outside things. There are many more important things I don't need eyes to see, like you. You're always kind to the smaller kids, including me, and you stand up for others when they're getting bullied. You care about people, even if you don't show it, and though you don't like letting people in, you're a fierce protector of those who can get close to you. I know these things just by listening, and feeling, and right now, you seem lonely."_

_I sighed. Sometimes it was as though he was ancient, possessing wisdom far beyond his age of five years, and at those times he always seemed so much more mature than he had any right to be._

_"It's alright, Sky. Stop worrying about it. Now c'mon, I'll push you on the swings!" And just like that, he was a cute five-year old boy, holding my hand as he chattered endlessly about the very swings we were going to. It was like nothing could go wrong._

_-_**Two months later**_-_

_I woke up cold. It was the first thing I noticed- the lack of warmth. I was so used to waking up to someone jumping on the bed, poking me with a short, pudgy finger, or a pair of sky blue eyes shoved in my face, it was a surprise not to be surprised. Passing a hand across my face to block out the sun, I squinted at the bunk bed across from where I lay, mumbling out a 'good morning'. When there was no reply, I struggled into a sitting position, yawning._

_"Sky? You up?" I glanced around, finally realizing that the room was empty, the bed where Sky slept stripped of sheets, the small bedside table barren of belongings. "Sky?!" I half shouted, panic coming over me in waves. Sky never went anywhere without someone; he always woke me up before he left. Sky was afraid of being alone._

_"Sky!" Hastily pulling on a pair of shorts, I hobbled through the door, racing to find my adoptive little brother. I heard a shout coming from the front yard, and turned that way._

_"Roxas? Big brother!"_

_I tore through the front door, running desperately forward, catching the sight of Sky being led away by two adults in suits._

_"Sky!" I shouted again, foggy brain trying to figure out why he was being taken away. I didn't know what was happening, didn't know where Sky or I was going, and I didn't care. The only thing I cared about now was Sky- I wanted to protect him, save him from the cold, judging world, and the only thing I knew for certain was that I couldn't do that if he was gone._

_I could see him turn, neck craning to look at me, trying to wrench himself from the grip of his captors, try and fight back, however useless it was. Sky wasn't a fighter- he wouldn't be able to do it. By now the two people had noticed my yelling, and were exchanging shocked and worried glances. Their gaze shifted to something behind me, and I chanced a look over my shoulder to see Miss Aerith, the orphanage mother, running through the door. When I looked back ahead, ignoring her, I saw that Sky had almost passed the chain link fence that separated the orphanage from the rest of the world._

_Suddenly I tripped; the hard, unforgiving ground rushed up as my knees hit the dusty red surface, my hands scraping against the rocks. It didn't matter, not now, there was no time. I pushed myself up, barely catching a glimpse of frightened blue eyes before they disappeared, possibly forever. The gate shut behind him, and I thudded into it a split second too late. My fingers twisted in the cold metal, salty tears making crooked tracks across my face as I collapsed against the gate, sobs wracking my body._

_I barely felt the warm arms wrapped around me, saw nothing but a few blurry images through my cracked lids, scarcely heard Miss Aerith's soft voice whispering comforting words in my ear; it was all closed off to me._

_"It's alright now…better place…blind…shhh, dear…they…help see…do…understand? He... better off... Have…let go."_

_I only heard snatches of what was being said, the roaring in my ears drowned out all other sound. All I knew was that Sky was gone, someone had taken him, and I could do nothing about it. I saw it now, where I had never seen it before. Sky…was my light. He was the one that helped me through everything, whether he knew it or not. I nurtured that light, helped him grow, and protected him from people like me, who grew in the darkness. And now, all that was left for me was to go back, now that there was no one to keep me from slipping away._

_I opened my eyes, not even realizing I had closed them, to stare into the sympathetic green orbs of Miss Aerith._

_"He's…gone," I managed to croak. I don't know what I was expecting. Did I imagine that Miss Aerith would tell me no, to say he was coming back, to say he was just gone for a little while, to tell me that, above all, I would be able to see him again?_

_Miss Aerith's face sunk, and my hopes fled as she pulled me into a hug once more. _

_"Oh, sweetling. Yes, I'm afraid so, dear. His home is no longer with us." _

_It was the final straw for me, my breaking point, the last thing I could stand to hear. I would've preferred a lie over this truth, preferred to be kept in the dark just awhile longer, be given hope where there was none._

_"N-No!" I shouted, jolting to my feet, feeling my legs shake under the sudden pressure. "No, you're wrong! You're all wrong! He'll be back…I know he will!" I raced back off to the orchard behind the main building, legs moving faster than they ever had before, filled with some insane energy, just trying to run, run far away, as if I could leave all of my problems behind with the simple act. As if by brute force, sheer will, and false hope I could somehow bring Sky back to me. _

_After a short time, I crumbled, knees buckling as sweat ran down my face to mingle with my tears, face red with exertion. I sat back in the gnarled roots of an apple tree, glancing up to see dappled sunlight shining through gaps in the upper foliage. I sat back weakly, remembering a time when Sky and I would sit in these same trees, laughing and carefree. And the worst part was, I knew he was gone. I knew I couldn't get him back. I had given up hope. I made a promise then to never let anyone get close to me- friends were too easy to lose._

_Sky was gone. And, I think, a piece of my heart was, too._

.:/End Flashback\:.

I dropped the note with trembling fingers, remembering I had found it beneath my pillow when I had finally crawled back into my room, almost unable to stand the sight of the empty bed across from mine.

I closed my eyes, trying in vain to stem the flow of tears brought on by the note, but it was no use. I hadn't cried in so long… For the past five or so years, I had kept everything bottled up. Emotions were weakness, and with weakness came pain. I couldn't stand any more hurt, so I put my heart on lockdown, turned it to stone, just so no emotion, no feelings, no _nothing_ could get through. And now…my wall was crumbling, my dam busting, and all of my pent-up tears came pouring out.

Everything- remembering Sora, Aiden, my father- it was too much, the stress was too much, the darkness… there was too much of it. I was falling, falling, spiraling down into the blackness that waiting so eagerly for my approach, cold tendrils consuming my heart, diminishing my light, life rotting away in the absence of hope.

Through the cold bars of my prison, I felt a slight tingling in my feet and hands, as though the circulation had cut off. The sensation slowly progressed toward my chest area, eating its way through my body to its core. The tingling turned into needles, invisible, sharp points driving in and out of my skin. I cried out in shock, my eyes widening as the feeling reached my abdomen. I stumbled away from my futon as the pain intensified, every nerve on fire.

I crashed through the door and struggled out into the street, knowing that if the pain continued I would draw the attention of my father, something definitely not wanted. I could barely walk as the needles turned to knives, slicing through my skin, but when I looked, I could not find any wound, no blood rolling down my arm, no outward signs of anything that might be causing the pain.

And then, with a great shudder, my legs buckled as the pain increased ten fold, shooting through my legs, up through my stomach, resounding and echoing in upon itself through my head. A migraine level headache came on as my vision blurred with the pain; every inch of me throbbing with the sheer agony that lanced through my body.

"Stop!" I screamed, bending over as all of my muscles locked in place. I dropped, wrapping my shaking arms around my knees, trying to ball myself up. "Stop, stop stop _stop it_! Just make it STOP!" I rocked back and forth in my ball, my voice hoarse from screaming so much.

Tears streamed down my face as I waited for something, anything, to come and take the pain away, even though, in the back of my mind, I knew no one would come. Far worse screams and far worse things had happened on this road, and even for those, no kindness was shown, no helping hand given. Stabs of pain erupted in my chest as the feeling finally reached my heart. I screamed again, a high pitched keening that seemed to go on forever.

"Just make the pain go away," I gasped out, eyes wide and almost rolling. Without knowing it, with this sentence, this plea, I was no longer just addressing this pain, but the world's. Life's. More specifically, mine. I would have given anything, anything at all to be rid of it. Even death sounded better, better than this endless torture of fire and steel, of abuse and loss. I wanted to get away, to be anywhere but here, to be anyone but _me._ I just wanted… to be safe. Secure. Loved.

As the pain finally became too much to stand, as functions began shutting down and darkness began engulfing the edges of my vision, I didn't realize that I was buying security with something I never really thought about: Freedom.

* * *

**And then, no one guessed it, but...**

* * *

**End Note:** Gah. Angst. Lot's. And Sora! Whee, I love Sora. He'll come back into the story much, much, muchhhhh later, with his 'best' friend, Riku, just in case you wanted to know. And, about the Ansem thing...yeah. First of all, I needed a blonde character. Roxas blonde, Roxas's father blonde too? Trying to fit everything in with genetics, and I really, really couldn't see a drunk Cloud. Oh, and... I hate Ansem. Seriously. He killed them all. And ruined Roxas's life. And took him away from Axel. So, yes, he's OOC, but I had to make him a bad guy! Had to!

Heh, right, well, I hope enjoyed it, please, please, please review. Please. Yeah, I'm reduced to begging. -pokes it- See? Yeah... Well, thanks for reading!

Love,

Misfit


	5. Rules of A Liar

**A/N:**Hey everyone, Chapter Five is up! And here's Axel again, with a lot of my second favorite character ever, Zexion. I hope I got him in character, because I tried, and he's always so mysterious and stuff and I love him for it XD But who doesn't? Anyway, this'll be my last update for two weeks, because I have tons of icky school stuff to do, but I'll be updating tons after December 20th. Hope you like this chapter, thanks for reading!

**EDIT:** Much thanks to **bipolarity **for fixing my editing mistake! It's all good now, dear :D

**Disclaimer: **Axel, Roxas, Xigbar, Zexion, Vexen, Marluxia, Demyx and other Kingdom Hearts related characters belong to their respectful owners, Square Enix and Disney, of which I am neither.

**And then, the unthinkable happened...**

Chapter Five: Rules of a Liar

It was a bleached white room, four cold walls, a low ceiling, marble floor. It was unfeeling, empty of emotions, yet it was filled with the hopes of the people inside. There were six people in this room, one with a past, one with a reason, one with a plan, one with a mask, one with a vengeance, and all with a secret. The sixth person in the room, he had a dream, and he also had secrets, but his were slowly being unraveled, and with them, the other's, too, were being revealed.

**. A .**_x . _**e . l.**

Surprise and denial washed over me in waves, roaring in my ears as I stood over my best friend. I was gripping the bedside so hard, I was surprised that the metal bar didn't crumble under the sheer amount of force I was using. I just, couldn't believe it… I had seen him only a week ago! There was no way… but… somewhere, I knew. Like the kind of gut sense that someone was in trouble, and the accompanying steel determination that you would save them no matter what it took. If this _was_ Roxas… then I would do everything I could, and possibly couldn't, to wake him up. My eyes were still locked on his face, as if through enough will power I could wake him up. Suffice to say, it didn't work.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," murmured a quiet voice right next to me. I jumped, my startled gaze snapping to Zexion, who was just standing at my side, looking at Roxas. I hadn't even heard him walk over.

"And now you look like a deer in headlights…hmm, and now you look like you're hiding something. Oh wait, no, you've looked like that all along."

I stared at him stupidly for a second, then carefully schooled my face blank, knowing I would have to lie my way out of this one. Everything I had learned while battling my way through high school came back to me, but I still wasn't prepared for the mystery that was Zexion.

"But then," he continued, "I suppose that we're all hiding something." I could've sworn I saw him glance briefly at Demyx on the other side of the room, but I blinked once and it was gone.

"How about a history lesson, shall we? Once upon a time there was a doctor who received the assignment to care for his wife. The man worked steadily, never sleeping, hardly eating, trying to make sure she came out alive. Then, when a moment of decision came, he cared too much for her to even think of allowing the extremely risky operation, believing that he could save her because of the love they shared. He was wrong, and the case, 691, was the basis for the law that doctors must not know their patients. She died, remember?" The brown haired doctor shifted his gaze to me, and the battle of wits began.

**Rule 1** in the Liar's Handbook: Use the truth as much as possible.

"Of course. This boy just…reminded me of an old friend I used to know. Looked just like him. I thought for a second… well, you know what I mean," I said smoothly, staring calmly into his single cobalt blue eye, following rule two.

**Rule 2**: Act natural. Eye contact, no excessive blinking. And whatever you do, _don't fidget_.

"Ah. Maybe it is him, then. You never know." Zexion turned back to Roxas, but I saw him looking at me out of the corner of his eyes.

**Rule 3:** Get out as soon as possible. Everyone slips sometime, limit your chances.

"Oh, no. Ro-Robin is well off, and I believe in Destiny Islands these days with his family, Hollow Bastian was too cold for him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to ask Xigbar a few questions." I bowed my head and turned to leave, but Zexion's hand stopped me.

"One last word of advice, Apprentice Axel. Watch out for Vexen. If he discovers anything…not right about your actions," I raised an eyebrow at his careful avoidance of the word 'wrong', but he ignored it and went on, "he will do everything in his power to bring them to light and get you kicked out. Then," he said in answer to my unspoken question, "he will take your apprenticeship to Xigbar, leaving you with nothing." He was the one staring this time, deadly serious.

"What? Vexen…wants my apprenticeship? But he's already a doctor! Why would he want…?" I was confused, and not the regular confused either. I'm sure that if this was an anime, I'd have three sweat drops going down my face and a huge question mark dancing above my head. It wasn't just Vexen, either. Why would Zexion help _me_, anyway?

**Rule 4: **Trust no one, not even your supposed allies.

"You should know that a scientist's education never ends," he chuckled. "And you just gained an enemy without ever doing anything, so I figured you might need some help. It's just a warning from someone who thinks he understands. Now go, you have questions to be answered, am I right?"

I stumbled away, frowning. Was there a double meaning in Zexion's words? Questions to be answered…huh.

**Rule 5: **Try and hold all of the cards. If you can't, pretend you do, and grab them before anyone notices.

So what could I do to ensure Zexion wouldn't spill the beans on me? I looked up, and found myself walking towards Xigbar. I _had_ told Zexion that I needed to, so I guess I might as well. I went over to the black haired man and stood silently, watching him check the statistics and vitals of his patient.

"Hey, kid," he said, without looking at me. "Intriguin', isn't it? Never heard of anythin' like this, have ya? Amazing, really…" Xigbar spared me a glance, and went back to his work.

"How can you speak of it so lightly?" I snapped, angry at his nonchalance. I cursed myself for slipping—a normal doctor wouldn't show so much concern for someone they didn't know. They couldn't. As Roxas would've said, emotions were weakness. Xigbar turned and raised an eyebrow at my tone.

"Sorry, sir," I apologized, "but I've, er, never worked with a life or death case before." There, I thought, satisfied with the ring of truth in my words.

Xigbar raised his other eyebrow at me. I'd learned they expressed his mood really well—if you couldn't tell by his face, look to the eyebrows.

"Who said it was a life or death case?" He questioned.

"Oh, um, I suppose I just assumed it," I answered, surprised.

"Tsk, tsk, Axel. Remember, never assume anything. But you're right, anyway, so I suppose I'll let it slide just this once." He turned back to the computer screen.

I jumped, not really expecting the fact that Roxas could actually _die_. I'd thought it was just… a coma or something… not, well, like I said… a life or death case.

"I'm right? I-I mean, what could cause him to die?"

Xigbar started swirling in his chair, moving left to right and back again. "Well, his conscience is in a structured reality created in his mind, correct? Well, all of his life energy is being used to construct that place, because, according to him, that is all he wants and needs. The other parts of him are starting to die off from lack of the energy they need to go on. Slowly, ever so slowly, he is dying, Axel. If we don't find a way to bring him back, so to speak…" One yellow eye locked securely with mine, preventing me from looking away. "He will die, Axel."

He turned away, flexing his hands, staring at the flashing numbers on the computer with a glazed look.

"Now! I suppose you are wondering why you're here, yeah?" He smiled, but it was fake. So this was how he managed to seem so carefree all the time… he just… wasn't.

I nodded mutely, curiosity now piqued. I had kind of thought it was just a spur of the moment thing on his part.

"Well, simple really. You're fresh out of college, a new mind, still full of unique ideas that haven't been squashed out of you by time. Considering I didn't know who I'd need, I decided to have every type of doctor with me. New, old, book smart, creative. Besides, I like you, kid, remember? You're interesting, with your high school gang history, your red spikes, your tear drop tattoos, and your desire to become an important doctor. Seems like a conflict of interests to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat."

I scowled. "Shouldn't we be working?"

"Huh. I'll see if I can remedy that, then." He stood up. "Alright, ladies. Let's get to work. Vexen, get a blood sample, Axel, I need you too…"

I ran a tired hand through my hair, yawning widely as I stumbled through the doorway to room 813 at five a.m.

"Humenah." I mumbled to Xigbar and Zexion, who were the only ones there. The two doctors nodded to me, and went back to the sheet of paper they were huddled around. I staggered over, half of my brain still clinging to sleep. I went over to check on Roxas, making sure the IVs were connected securely, and the heart monitor was still going at a steady pace.

"Good morning, everyone! Lovely day, isn't?" I looked up in time to catch the sight of Demyx skipping into the room, positively beaming. My eye twitched. It was _five_. That sort of chipperness should be _illegal_ this early.

"G'mornin' Xiggy, Zexy!" He sang, then looked towards me. "Good morning to you, too, Axy!" I stared at him blankly, but was too tired to be bothered to do anything. The dirty blonde grinned at the bemused expression on my face, and then waltzed over to the space beside Zexion, who smiled up at him sleepily.

"Good morning, Dem'," the slate-haired man said softly.

The trio turned their attention back to the paper in Xigbar's hands. I ambled over, craning my neck to see if I could catch a glimpse of writing.

"And that is…?" I finally asked after a few seconds with no results.

Zexion looked up. "This is the health report we created, and something we found later. See, after taking all of those tests yesterday, we compiled them into a report and then compared it to everything the central record center for this region, looking for another like it. This paper," Zexion paused, tapping one of the papers in Xigbar's hand, "is the closest match, one seventeen year old Roxas Selvoles" **(1)**

I eyes widened at the name. They finally figured out who he was! Now all they had to do was call his dad, or mom, and he'd be fine in no time. Things were…well, things were working out.

"That's the good news. No-name is now Roxas," Xigbar said, picking up where Zexion left off. "The bad news, however, is that these records were obtained from an orphanage, so we're still a no-go on blood relatives."

Wait…what was that last part? Rox was an… orphan? He never told me…. Huh… so what else had he been hiding?

Xigbar handed the papers to Demyx, who was still reading. "And the bad, bad news is that Master Selvoles here has an extremely rare condition called Auto Neurosynaptic Syndrome."

I blinked dumbly. "Bless you."

Xigbar gave me an annoyed glare. "Auto Neurosynaptic Syndrome, or ANS, is an extremely unusual neural state. Okay… you know that whenever a person gets stressed out, their arteries shrink in size, right?"

"Right. It's like, an ancient instinct, basically if you're scared, the most likely cause is getting cut or something. With your veins shrunken, if you get slashed by a bear or whatever, you only have minimal blood loss," I said.

"Yes. Well, for Roxas, if he gets _too_ stressed, his arteries shrink far more than normal, almost cutting off the circulation. His nerves sense this, of course, but take it the wrong way. They sense pain. It'd be the same if his foot fell asleep or something, it'd be pain, not needles. Except…in this case, because the arteries are smaller everywhere, that's where his pain is. _Every_ nerve that needs blood, a.k.a. all of them, would send pain signals to his brain. It'd be insanely painful, and would eventually knock him out."

"Wait," I told him. "Couldn't he just take a vasodilator **(2)** whenever he was feeling stressed?"

Xigbar nodded. "Yeah, and it says that he had been given a few in advance a couple times. But… all records disappear after his seventh year there, when he was nine. That's when he supposedly left, but nothing says what happened or why. He might've run away, but it's far too late to tell now."

"But…why? I don't understand…" I frowned. What'd it all mean?

"What makes you think _we'd_ understand? It's not like any of us know him." Well that's irony for you. "Huh, this is bad. It's good that we know who he is, but it's bad that he has no family. Really bad," Xigbar said.

I shook my head, unwilling to accept failure. "Isn't there anything else we can do?"

"The only thing we can do now is to keep trying with the machine, try and wear down his defenses, or wake him up physically, but that… it could take weeks, months. Years, even. Other than that, well…. Pray for a miracle, Axel. That's all we have left." The black haired man pushed past me, heading toward Vexen, who was waiting in the hall.

A miracle… I didn't think I could wait for a miracle. I walked back over to Roxas's bedside and watched him, just watched him. He seemed…at peace, filled with a serenity he never seemed to attain while awake.

"What was so bad, Rox," I whispered. "What was so bad that it could cause you to do this to yourself? What was so bad that you couldn't even _tell_ me, Rox? What?"

"What indeed?" Asked a wry voice. I didn't move. After awhile you get used to Zexion's silent approach. It was like he was a shadow, the way he walked so silently. Ha, shadow-walking. Described him perfectly.

"Zexion," I acknowledged.

"Tch. I wonder… Tell me, Apprentice Axel, have you ever seen the machine Dr. Xigbar is using to probe Master Selvoles's conscience?" The slate haired doctor watched me with guarded eyes, knowing the answer but awaiting my reaction.

"No," I said simply. He'd tell me what he wanted in time. That's the trick in talking with Zexion- never be predictable, lest you be manipulated. It was hard, too. You never knew what his intentions were, so you never knew whether it was your decision or whether he had planned it all along. You never knew whether you were being predictable by being unpredictable.

"Hn," Zexion smirked. "You're learning. Very well, to my point. Would you like to see it, then?" He turned on his heel and walked toward the exit, looking back at me over his shoulder.

"Why yes," I said. "I suppose I would."

I fell into step behind him as he led the way through pristine hallways. He took firm, specific strides, each movement measured and precise.

Left, right, left, left, straight, right again… I lost track in the epic maze, relying solely on Zexion to lead me to the end, be it a Minotaur or Mayan treasure. Finally, my guide stopped outside a door with the golden letters 'K O D'.

"KOD?" I asked, puzzled.

"Chamber of dreams." Zexion punched in a four digit password on the nine-numbered lock.

"Oh. Well. Um, last time I checked, 'chamber' started with a 'C'. C-H-A-M—"

"B-E-R," the doctor finished. "I know. The 'K' is to remind us that in here, nothing is as it seems, and everything has another meaning. And you know, to keep it under wraps until we're ready. To everyone except Xigbar, Demyx, Vexen, myself, a man you haven't met yet named Marluxia, and three hired personnel, this room is a storage place for Karyotypes Of DNA."

I started at the name Marluxia- it couldn't be the same Marluxia I knew in high school, right? Impossible… there was no way. He was long gone.

Zexion stepped back as something beeped, a red light switched to green, and the door swung open.

Blinding white light assaulted my eyes as it escaped the confines of the room, the harsh fluorescent rays spilling out into the hallway. I automatically squinted, trying to block it out. Eventually, my pupils contracted far enough and I could see.

Wires- everywhere. Carpeting the floor, decorating the walls, hanging from the ceiling—wires were everywhere. They were connecting flashing blue screens to outlets, strange liquids to others, but above all, they were streaming from a great, egg shaped pod in the very center of the room. It was a monstrosity, the Godzilla of technology, humming and whirring loudly, almost causing the room to shake with its vibrations.

"And that's..?" I left my sentence hanging and walked forward, my hand outstretched.

"Yes." Zexion caught my hand and shook his head, then went over to one of the many computers. "I thought you should see it, considering Demyx and Vexen saw it yesterday."

"Huh. I guess I should thank you then." I looked back at the machine, absorbing every detail, going closer.

"See with your eyes, not your hands," he snapped as I raised my arm again.

I wasn't listening, though. This machine, this contraption, this compilation of metal, electricity and plastic… it could allow me to see Roxas, to hear him, to… to save him. I… I could save him. And, I knew, it had to be me. It _had_ to. No one else knew him, no one else would do it, no one else _could_ do it. I had to be the one to save him, I knew. Perhaps I even knew it all along. I was so close… the machine, it was so close.

Zexion stood and beckoned to me with his hand, indicating we leave. "Come. We'll be here later, to observe Xigbar using it."

I shook myself out of my reverie and followed him out the door, glancing back just once as the door closed behind us.

Three hours later, after testing Roxas's reaction time, lung capacity, and brain activity, Xigbar made an announcement.

"All right, kiddies. Field trip down to the KOD. I'll show you how everything's done, let's go."

He marched out of the room, not even bothering to check if we were following. Zexion shrugged and walked out, Demyx scrambling after him, leaving me to walk with Mr. Ice Princess himself, Vexen.

We walked in silence for a few minutes, me shuffling along awkwardly, him strutting with his nose high in the air, pointedly ignoring me. I had the strangest feeling that I'd killed him or something in a previous life, and this was karma getting back at me.

"So, um, Doctor Vexen, uh, what do you—"

"Do not talk to me unless it is required. I do not desire to be 'friends'," I could see the quotation marks in the air around his head, "with you for the simple reason that we are partners. If you _have_ to talk to me, you will address me as Dr. Mecadaci, not 'Vexen'. That is all, and _good day._" He increased his speed, leaving me gaping at his retreating figure, left in the dust. Well… that sure was heartwarming.

I arrived at the appointed room last, Xigbar and Zexion already discussing things by one of the computers while Vexen looked on arrogantly.

"Heya, Ax! Me 'n' Vexen have been here once before, but this's your first time, right? Not so for Zexion and Xigbar though, did you know? Zexion there has apparently been working on this thing for months, imagine that!" Demyx bounced over happily, eager for someone to talk to.

"Er, no," I answered truthfully. "I came here this morning. And I thought Roxas only came to this hospital yesterday, so how could he have known months before?"

Demyx laughed. "Well, first of all, he was transferred her from another hospital, where he had been staring almost a week."

I stared. A week? But a week ago was the exact day when he was at my apartment, eating breakfast with me, talking with me, laughing with me… A week ago I had begged him to stay, and a week ago he left. A week ago I could've stopped him, and I didn't.

"And then," Demyx continued, oblivious to my internal guilt trip, with his story, the first part of which I'd apparently missed, "Zex' asked if he could go through with the project, but ol' man Xaldin, that's the company owner and Xigbar's dad, but you know that, turned him down, see? Question of ethics, apparently. All that work wasted, you'd think, right? But my Zex' wasn't going to give up, so he hunted down—"

"_Your_ Zex'?" I interrupted, smirking. I might've just found the perfect leverage against my wayward chatterbox friend.

Demyx turned redder than my hair, which is saying something, believe me. "I…I meant, uh, just Zex', er, Dr. Zexion, of course, heh, can't own a person, well, I guess you can in video games, but in real life, oh, no, uh… So anyway," he hurried on, changing the subject, "Zex'—Zexion went straight to Dr. Xigbar, told him about his idea, and bam! In come the secret plan, Operation: KOD! They had a little bit of help, of course, but you know the general gist of it already. Then along comes Sir Roxas, and it was the perfect opportunity to test what they had built! This's the one thing that can prove that their research can help, while putting Zexion back in good graces with the boss and boost his… oh, what's it called… famiety? Famousness? Fameation?"

They heard a snort behind them, and turned to see an amused Zexion. "I do believe it's '_fame_', dear Demyx."

The blonde in question jumped so fast I could've sworn I heard the sound barrier break. "Zexion! How long've you—"

"Hey, all of you giggling school girls, stop acting like blinkin' five year olds and get your butts in motion. Front 'n' center!" Xigbar sent us a glare that lowered the room temperature a good ten degrees, looking at Demyx almost accusingly.

"Sir, yes sir!" I jumped to attention and marched over to my superior, successfully getting that cold glare to transition to me. What? I couldn't leave poor, defenseless Demyx to die from the invisible ice shards being shot his way.

"All right men… and woman," Xigbar added viciously, looking at me and packing enough venom in that single word to take down three full grown African elephants. I flinched. "I'm going to show you how this three million dollar apparatus works. What that means is this: unless you win the lottery or marry into royalty within the next two hours, do. Not. Touch. Dr. Zexion, fire this baby up."

So saying, he vaulted Olympic-style into the central pod, snapping some weird helmet on his head before settling down. On the other side of the room, Zexion's fingers were flying across the keyboard, fingers playing an elegant type of 'Whack-a-Mole' with the buttons. With a final flourish (it looked practiced to me), the pod's lid slid shut with all the finality of the fat lady singing. Without the fat lady, or the singing.

"Now, if you'll follow me, I'll show you how we monitor Xigbar's progress."

Zexion led us over to a big monitor positioned on the screen. The picture there looked… interesting, to say the least. It was as if someone had hooked up a ship's radar to a Pac man game, then had a rainbow throw up on it. Ooh, that's a pretty picture, isn't it?

There were small dots scattered across the screen in between the maze-like walls, waves of brown, orange, red and blue washing over everything in a continuous random cycle. For a brief second I thought I even saw Zexion's hair color on it—that's how many different colors there were.

"Each dot is a conscience. The black one is Xigbar, and that white one over there is Roxas. Xigbar in going to try and communicate with him, but he has to get over there first. Now, as the saying goes, watch and learn."

And that we did. We watched the interaction for over an hour, seeing Xigbar's black dot move to Roxas's white, switching to a different monitor to watch the signals sent out, sometimes fiddling with the views, but mostly just zoning out and staring at the ever-so-interesting ceiling. Wait, no, that last one was just me.

As it was, I was just itching for some buttered popcorn and way over-priced gummy bears to alleviate the horribly suppressing boredom of this ongoing movie. My eyes drifted to Xigbar, half cocooned in his metal coffin. Then, lo and behold, I was hit with The Idea.

"Hey, Zex'," I strolled over to the scientist, eyes sparkling happily. I had a plan, and if it worked, maybe, just maybe, I could fix this whole mess. All I needed was some good, quality, metaphorical duct tape…

"Might I try the machine after him? I just want to see what I can do."

To my extreme displeasure, Zexion merely snorted. "Were you not paying attention when Doctor Xigbar said that all of this equipment was worth 3 million? He doesn't trust you that much, Apprentice Axel. Seven months at least, a year at most. Then we'll see."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the sound of one's greatest dreams shattering in the time it takes to say 'Kumquat.' Or, more specifically, 'Seven months'.

I scowled angrily, mood changing quickly like the weather in one of those cheap horror movies. If they'd just let me try, I could save Roxas, I was sure of it. No one knew him like I did, no one cared for him like I did, no one… loved him like I did. Platonically, of course. If I couldn't get in his head, literally speaking, no one could.

Well, if I told the others I knew him from before, I might have a chance… wait, that wouldn't work, either. Thanks to that stupid law Zexion ever-so-kindly reminded me of, Xigbar would have no choice but to stop me from working on the team. Besides, even if I did tell, I would probably have to wait anyway, considering I wasn't a 'blood relative' and had no proof.

Still, I could always wait. I could wait those seven months to earn Xigbar's trust, could wait as Roxas slowly withered away, could wait as things grew steadily worse, until— no. Waiting was not an option. Definitely not.

I… I could always sneak in, use The Machine, and then get out with no one the wiser. Illegal was always, faster, right? My eyes darted to Zexion, who was talking with (read: listening to) Demyx. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Wincing, I rethought my words. Not knowing about Roxas sure hurt me…

When it came down to it, there really was only one way to fix everything, and it was a sight more difficult than duct tape.

ß----à

I waited until Friday to put The Plan (capitalization always made things seem more important) in action. I figured I might need the two extra days the weekend provided, and it always helped to be prepared. All week I'd watched Zexion, from the codes he put in the computer to the just-for-emergencies IV system, to be used on the off chance Xigbar was in La-la land for over a day.

My feet padded noiselessly across the eerily white tiles as I glided wraith-like through the building; my way lit by nothing more than the flashlight I carried. There was no one here—well, at least not in this section. The constant-maintenance areas were still filled with hustle and bustle, but no one needed to check on the KOD, it was just a storage room for old karyotypes, remember?

I punched in the password, fingers moving mechanically as I stared at the 'K O D' above me. The scant halogen light reflected off the golden letters with a life of its own, as though warning me about the perils ahead.

Finally, the door opened and I shot in, the darkness swallowing me easily. I turned back as it shut, locking it behind me.

"Safe," I sighed before flicking the lights on.

"So you might think," drawled an extremely amused Zexion from his usual seat near the computer.

"Zexion!" I whirled with enough force to create my own small tornado, wide eyes searching out the calm doctor. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question. But if you must know, I am here to stop you." He smirked, like a cat that caught its prey. And is now toying with it.

"How'd you— never mind. What're you going to do now, then?" I asked him challengingly, belligerently. Might as well go out fighting.

Instead of answering, or calling security, Zexion merely steepled his hands together and locked his eyes with mine, completely serious. "You do know that you'd never get away with it, correct? Have you forgotten about what I told you of Vexen? He would find you almost immediately and have you kicked off the team the second you returned to your own conscience. There are rules, rules not meant to be broken. Is this boy really worth the chance of losing your internship if you get caught?"

_Yes!_ I wanted to scream… but Zexion's logic was in my way. If I was caught, or Zexion told, I'd lose this internship, and possibly my entire medical career. But then… a picture of Roxas, lying dormant on that white bed sprang unbidden to my mind. To never see him smile again, never see his eyes twinkle, never hear his rare, throaty laugh… to have a half-living, half-dead Roxas, it would be worse, far, far, worse.

I looked up, filled with new resolve. "And what if I don't get caught?"

Zexion smirked and strolled over. "Huh. Then I suppose that would be all right, wouldn't it? But… are you sure? Once you're in, it's not like you can click you heels and say, 'There's not place like home.' Up until you enter his conscience, there's an exit option, but after, and if, he lets you in, you're there until he kicks you out." He cracked his knuckles and sat down at a keyboard, fingers flying.

I blinked. Well… convincing him to help sure was easy…almost too easy. "Isn't there isn't an emergency withdrawal system?

The top of the pod hissed as the pneumatic pump released air, forcing the cover back.

"There is, but it is solely for extreme emergencies. Forcibly removing your conscience from another place… no one knows what it could do. It would most likely kill you, quite frankly. Now get in, before I change my mind, you don't have much time at all."

There was no room for doubt in my mind. This was a one time chance, yes or no, to rescue or not to rescue, no turning back. I braced myself on the sides and swung my legs over the edge, feet hitting a foamy, almost liquid substance. I slid the rest of my body in and heard a few buttons being pressed. At once, the material started constricting, locking everything but my head in place. Zexion checked a few wires, then came over to my struggling self.

"Stop that. Keep still; I don't want you hurting yourself." The neurologist reached behind my head and pulled something forward so that it covered the top of my head snugly, like a metal cap.

"Now, focus on everything you know about Roxas, keep a firm picture of him in your mind, and hunt him down. Talk to him, think thoughts of him, get through to him. Feel your way. Now, you'll start feeling drowsy in a few seconds, and you'll be on own after that. I don't know how much time I can get you, so remember to hurry."

I tried nodding, but found I couldn't. "He's worth it, okay?" I mumbled through the blanketing haze in my mind. "What you said before… about if he was worth it… he is."

The lid above me hissed shut again, and through the glass I saw Zexion chuckle. My last coherent thought was that he had probably planned everything out from the first time he saw me look at Rox. And I didn't care. The only thing that mattered now was saving Roxas, no matter what it took.

**And then, no one guessed it, but...**

**References:**

**(1)-** Loveless rearranged, for reasons that'll come up later.

**(2)- **A drug you can take that will expand your veins. You take one in case of a heart attack, or, in Roxas's case, ANS

**End Note:** Ha! Things are finally getting somewhere! I think I rushed the action sequences, but this is nine pages and if I had drawn out all the internal conflict it would've gotten boring and been like eleven pages. Well, this is the longest chapter so far (by five words!), it's kind of funny, they keep getting longer each time. Anyway, for those who read these things (hi!) I won't be able to post anything for two weeks this time because of finals. I had been so proud of myself, updating every week, and then finals pop up and start waving their little "I'm going to kill everyone someday, I'll start with you!" flags. I hope you liked it, please review!

Oh, can anyone tell me what KOD reallllly stands for? Ha. And if you can match up who with what at the beginning I'll give you a virtual cookie XD !

**Next:** We venture into the conscience of Roxas and meet our ever so lovely antagonist and a not-so-angsty-as-the-last-one memory.


	6. Liquid Illusions

**A/N:** Oh my good Akuroku gods above. I'm such a horrible, horrible authoress, aren't I? I'm not even worth that title anymore. Letter-stringer-upper is probably all I deserve right now. I haven't updated in… O.o Almost three months. Ouch. I don't even have good excuses!!! Okay, let's start at the beginning. I had finals the whole month of December, and I had to study for those, and so didn't have a single chance to write. Then, when those were over, my brain was fried and D-E-D, so I didn't write 'til Christmas, at which time I was shipped off to South Caroline to visit my loving family for a week, and I can't write over there, because 1) I'm ashamed to admit that that particular section of my family is homophobic, and 2) I can't just lock myself up in my room when I could be spending time with my cousins. It's just not done.

Okay, next. January. I have no horribly lame reason for this month. AT ALL. I was lazy. I was a horribly horrible person and should therefore go die a horribly painful and painfully horrible death. I'm sorry. I am. Really, truly, bucket-full-of-sorrow sorry.

Then February! Okay, I was writing during February. I just…wasn't writing Kingdom Hearts. My friend AnimePenguin (yes, yes, go blame her, not me! DX) introduced me to Bleach, and so I wrote something for her favorite pairing that turned out to be not one, not five, not ten, not fifteen, but sixteen pages long. And it took up a lot of my time. Also, the teachers were being all mean and stuff with tests and homework and other stuff that is cruel to this particular autho— letter-stringer-upper.

BUT NOW I'M BACK! And with an extremely short one shot, another medium-length chapter, and a huge one-shot for a non-yaoi couple.

….

Kill me now. I'm really really REALLY sorry.

But I'm back, so maybe, in a couple of years, you can forgive me.

Maybe.

Dedicated to **x dearest mistake**, who supported me for so long, but (I think) met her untimely demise at the hands of something called 'grounding' –sob-.

Thanks gazillions to:

**AnimePenguin**, **DoOmening**, **Jextia**, and, once again, **x dearest mistake**. My love to you forever and ever and ever, and then a little after that.

Hope you like it! Sorry for the unbeta'd-ness of it, but I wanted to post it really fast. DX

**_IMPORTANT:_** Go check the last chapter again. I added 2k words and fixed it up A LOT. It makes more sense and isn't as rushed. I like it a lot more now X3

* * *

Chapter Six: Liquid Illusions

Barely visible in the harsh light of passing cars, a small boy lie crumpled on the side of the street, clothes muddy and dirty golden hair strewn like a halo around his face, his eyes shut tightly, barely breathing. After a time, one of the drivers noticed him, and swerved to the side of the road. A young, seemingly twenty-five year old man walked out, dressed in a dark blue suit that contrasted sharply with the rundown surroundings. He crouched next to the boy, shaking his shoulders and shouting at him, asking if he's all right, who he is, if he's okay, yet knowing deep down he is anything but.

**.:R **.** o **.** x **.** a **.** s:.**

I struggled to open my eyes, the effort to lift my heavy lids almost too much for my foggy mind. I caught a brief flash of light, a small glimpse of white, before everything went dark again. I heard a low chuckle next to my ear, but ignored it for the time being, trying doggedly to figure out where I was, and how exactly I got there. The last thing I remembered was being at Axel's house…was it possible I was still there? No, wait… I remembered with all the shock of a lightning strike. Ansem. I jerked forward suddenly, my eyes snapping open in panic with my newly found adrenaline induced energy.

Frightened, I didn't stop to think about what I was doing, just tried to bolt from my seat like there was no tomorrow. In retrospect, not such a great idea. I saw a pristine marble table rush up towards me, and I winced in preparation for the hard, cold impact that never came. I felt slim arms around my waist, catching me before I fell to my white, marble-caused doom.That amused chuckle sounded out again

"Whoa now, sweet, don't want you dying so soon after just getting here!"

I frowned in concentration. The voice sounded oddly familiar…Huh. I pushed the issue aside and turned to thank the person for catching me, twisting my head and looking over my shoulder. The arms still around my waist tightened, and I saw—

"Holy crap." My jaw dropped, shattering on impact with the floor.

The other me laughed, a broad grin on features exactly the same as mine, blonde spikes just like my own bouncing as he rolled my shoulders. He opened his eyes again, but something was off. Instead of my sapphire blue eyes, he had two almost painfully black eyes, darker than night, so empty that they seemed to draw the light and warmth in, trapping it in their cold depths.

"Lovely to meet you too, Roxas." He rolled the 'r' in my name, playing with the sound.

My eyes, mine, not his, narrowed. "Who are you?"

Who-ever-it-was clicked his tongue at me in a playful half laugh. "It's not 'who' you should be asking, my pet, it's 'what'. But I digress. Hmmm… who _am_ I? Well, I suppose you could call me Sax."

"Sax?" I echoed.

"Mmm, yes. I have a longer name, but we're all friends here, right, 'Rox'?" He grinned and gestured around the room with his right hand, keeping his left firmly fastened around my waist. He finally looked away from my face, and turned his unrelenting stare to the rest of the room, inviting me to look.

Everything was white- completely and utterly white. There were no windows or doors, just an incredibly long white table with multiple chairs on both sides. The chairs reminded me of Alice in Wonderland- you know, the scene with the Mad Hatter and all of those mismatched chairs and teapots? These chairs were just like that, some tall, some short, big, small, cushioned, metal, except they had one thing in common: they were all bleached white.

The only non-white objects in the room were on the table. In front of each chair was a black goblet, and not a cup, mind you, but an onyx black _goblet. _They differed just like the chairs, as in they had different shapes, but were all the exact same color of pure, unblemished black.

The table itself went on seemingly forever in the other direction, rows of goblets and chairs extending with it. From where Sax and I were seated, at the end of the table, you couldn't even see the end.

In front of us on the table were two diamond glasses, crystal clear and reflecting the light through their many facets. The two chalices, though transparent, and, I noticed, empty, were providing the only color in the room, casting small rainbows on the table.

"Hmmm, heh, so, what do you think of my, and soon to be your, humble abode?" Again, he used his right hand to gesture around, finally tapping my head with his index finger.

"My? What are you talking about? You haven't even told me where I am!" I shouted, hysteria leaking into my voice as I tried to stand up, but Sax's arm prevented me from getting very far.

"Mmm, I believe you will be staying with me for quite some time. As to where you are, well, I don't want to ruin the suspense. You will find out soon enough, oh yes. Besides, I believe in this case it is best for a… visual reference."

"Visual reference?" I repeated while craning my neck to see if I could find an exit. It was like being Rapunzel stuck in her tower with no way out. In that case, maybe I should've grown my hair out longer. I hated having to be rescued. Oh well, this whole shebang was probably just an eccentric dream anyway. Sooner or later Prince Charming will come and save me, right?

My face fell. Axel had always been the one to rescue me in the past. What was he doing now? Did he even notice I was gone? I never even told him about… and now it might be too late.

Suddenly, Sax snapped his head back around to face me. "Thinking of him already? Hn. Well then, I suppose you _do_ need to be happy, that's why you're here, and I _do_ need to show you a few things… Here! Up we go, sweet. Time for that visual reference."

Sax jumped from the chair, using one hand to drag me along behind and the other to snatch one of the clear goblets. My doppelganger paused at a small, rickety yet cushioned seat, pushing me into it. He took the black cup in front of me and poured a black, goopy substance from it into the transparent one.

"All of your memories and feelings from your life pool in your heart, gathering dust yet growing stronger every time you use them. They are always there, always will be, substantiating in the dark depths of your memory, making you who you are. I collect them, I suppose. It's better than real life, at least, what with all that anger and hatred there, all that betrayal. No worries here; the past cannot hurt you. I'll protect you from the nightmares now, my pet. Here, let me show you."

Sax proffered the crystal glass, and I hesitantly took it, shifting in my chair.

"Go on, sweet. It'll be worth it, you'll see."

I slowly raised the crystal glass to my lips, but stopped, staring at my reflection in the liquid, watching two blue eyes stare back.

Sax frowned, and quickly shoved the end of the glass, effectively tipping the black syrup into my surprised mouth. I choked, feeling my heart skip a beat, and blacked out.

* * *

"Hey, kid, you all right?" A loud, arrogant voice resounded above me.

I blearily opened my eyes, a foggy picture coming into view. Bright, acid green was the first thing I noticed, the orbs it belonged to sparkling humorously at me from a foot away.

"Holy shit!" I scrambled backwards crab-style, my back hitting the wall. Wait… wall? I hurriedly glanced around, spying an empty brick hallway with rows of green lockers lining the sides.

"Wha…? Where am I?" _And where's Sax? _I asked, not adding the last part, wondering if the three people in front of me had anything to do with my sudden appearance and disappearance from Sax's strange lair.

One of the people laughed, and my gaze shot to him. He had the strangest shade of strawberry brown hair—so strawberry, in fact, it was almost pink. The girl to his left was a blonde like me, but hers was slicked back with gel, leaving two strands dangling, like antennae.

The third… oh, the third was a face I knew too well. That shock of red hair, the feline, angular face with cheek bones sharp enough to cut steel, oh yes. Even though he looked around five years younger, I'd recognize Axel anywhere.

"I think you might've hit him a bit _too_ hard, Axel, dear," the girl jeered, mockingly, and though she aimed her words at Axel, I could feel the contempt she shot at me. She seemed… familiar, just like the other person… Lock, Lauren, Lark… Larxene! That was it, Larxene and Marluxia, from high school.

High school. Oh _shit_.

Axel ignored her, just like he always did. He bent down, offering me a hand. "Well," he joked. "Looks like we _hit_ it off well, don't you think?"

I reached up to take his hand, but was surprised when my actual body did no such thing. Instead, I watched helplessly as I twisted my head to glare at him and stood up by myself, pausing only once before walking off in the opposite direction.

"Hey, wait!" He skidded in front of me. "The name's Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"

Internally, I winced. The catchphrase. I shoved past him and hurried on, whispering softly as I walked away. "I don't need your help."

I didn't look back, but my ears still caught a venomous, "Why'd you chase after him?" and an answering, "I thought he was cute, that's all."

_I_ knew he didn't mean it, but did the memory me know? I saw rather than felt small, stubborn tears on my cheeks and my arm moving up to wipe those tears away ashamedly. Why was my body acting on its own? Why couldn't I move by my own will? And why, oh why, was I back in 9th damn grade, back with Larxene and the rest? It was like watching a movie- no matter how much you screamed at the T.V., the characters still made the same stupid mistakes.

_Shush, my pet_. The amused voice of Sax echoed in my head— or was it even mine any more?

_Remember what I said? This is a memory. You can't change the past, dear heart. Sure, sometimes you can fool yourself into believing something false, or try too hard to remember and remember something that never happened, but this is the memory's true essence right here—it won't let you lie to yourself. All I can say now is, well, enjoy the show!_ Then he was gone.** (A/N:** Okay, since a lot of people seem really confused about this, I'm going to state what Sax said again: **_this is a memory. _**Roxas is in a memory right now. This is him watching Memory-Roxas and Memory-Axel interact. Real-Axel isn't there, and Real-Roxas can't do anything to change the outcome of what's happening. I'll say it again: **_this is a memory.)_**

Memory-Roxas hurried across the white tile floor, darting through an open door just as the bell rang overhead. Real-me sighed. If memory served (which it never does, of course. Memory caters- an hour late with half the food) it was going to be a long day.

As it turns out, the day wasn't actually all that long. Remember how, before, I said being in my memory was like watching a movie? Well, it's more so than I thought. Sax 'fast-forwarded' it, for lack of a better term, in the middle of Algebra II, skipping through everything. It was now just after school, around the time when I _should_—

"Hey, Sunshine. Fancy meeting you here. How was your first day?"

–meet up with Axel again. Roxas turned around to see the redhead smirking at her, arms crossed as he lounged against an open door.

"Good, no thanks to you and yours… Axel." Roxas and I said, making me feel as though I had control again, if only because _my_ Axel had never let me forget this day.

"So you _did_ memorize it! 'Grats, then," he smirked, ignoring Roxas's icy glare. He always did have some weird immunity to them- or maybe it was just that he didn't care. "And, yeah, sorry about this morning. I really didn't mean to slam into you like that… it sounded like you hit your head really hard. You all right?"

I watched amusedly as Memory-Roxas completely ignored the worried undertones to his voice, and made to push past him. However, he did not expect Axel to be quite so stubborn, nor did he expect the redhead to grab his arm as he walked by.

"Hey, wait up. No need to be all cold and stuff; I'm not going to slam you into _another_ wall, jeez. Here, look, uh… let me make it up to you, all right?" He released Roxas's arm and stood back, crossing his hands behind his head. Roxas stared at him suspiciously, not walking away, but not completely surrendering, either.

Axel grinned, knowing Roxas was giving him a chance. "Okay! So, um… wow, I didn't actually think you'd let me…"

The blonde deadpanned. "Are you going to do something or what? I have a bus to catch."

Axel started, jumping up and grabbing my memory self's arm again, dragging him to the school parking lot. "I'm going to take you to Rainbow Sorbet for some Sea Salt ice cream. And don't worry about the bus- I'll take you back home."

Roxas couldn't help but be dragged along, and I could feel his mouth twitching, having to work hard at keeping the apathetic mask on. Axel was just… kind of funny to watch, you know? He was like fire, always moving, dancing to his own beat.

"Hey, wait, are you even old enough to drive? I thought you were a sophomore!"

Axel looked back, surprised, then sheepish. "Oh, yeah. Um, don't tell anyone?"

Roxas glared. "You're joking, right?"

"Um, sure?" The redhead replied nervously, adding on a small half-laugh as he opened the door for his would-be guest.

Memory-me sighed, but stepped into his silver Toyota anyway. "All right, let's get this over with."

_Best decision of my life._

* * *

Axel and Roxas sat in a booth near the back of the ice cream shop, stuck in a deep, uncomfortable, and highly _awkward_ awkward silence. Thirteen points on the ten scale for the 'prickly, stickly, get me out of here _now_,' factor. 

Roxas was resolutely licking his ice cream, determinedly staring at the table and not the one who had brought him there. Axel, across from him, wasn't doing all that much better.

"So…" Axel started, coughing uneasily. "What classes are you taking?"

The blonde's head still didn't come up. "Why do you care?' He shot back.

Axel blinked, snapping up in shock and… anger. "Why do I… care? Why… do I care? I _care_, Sunshine, because I'm sitting here with you, buying you ice cream, _trying_ to have a polite conversation with you so it won't be the most awkward moment of my _life_.

"I _care_ because I'm trying to find out _more _about you, because you're _always_ by yourself, you _never_ let anyone get close, and you have this cold, apathetic mask that says you don't _care_ about the rest of the world, but your big, multi-colored, _beautiful_ eyes have so much _hurt_ and _sadness_ in them it's _breaking my heart._ I _care_, because I want to figure you out. You're a puzzle that I want to solve, all right? I want to _help_. Because I care. Got it memorized?"

"You have to put the pieces back together to solve this puzzle, Axel," Roxas said under his breath, linking his hands together in the classic body language sign for comfort.

"What was that?" Axel frowned and leant forward, eyebrows furrowed. He was still on a roll from his 'I care' rant, I guess. He liked delivering great, long, (sometimes) meaningful monologues when he was mad— you should've seen him on the debate team. The other kids never knew what hit 'em.

"Uh…" If there was one thing I had suspected would happen that day, Axel's speech was not it. Come to thing of it, no one had ever told me anything of the sort before. I hadn't even known he had seen me in class, or noticed me. He had said that I was a puzzle, but… that day, for me, Axel was the real enigma.

"I mean, um… th-thanks." Whether I was thanking him for the ice cream or the kind words, even now I wasn't sure.

"Oh, you're wel— wait. What?!"

Roxas fidgeted. "You heard me." I snorted mentally. I could count the number of people I had said 'thank you' to on one hand; he better have heard me.

Axel grinned widely, face nearly split in half by the smirk. "Maybe I did. Well, you are _quite_ welcome, Sunshine mine."

Roxas tried to glare at the nickname, he really did, but that was the thing about Axel's moods: they were contagious. He let a small smile slip for a brief second as he finally looked up.

The redhead's eyes widened dramatically. "You… you smiled! At long last, I saw him smile! Wow, this is a momentous occasion. We should get a plaque to remember it for ever."

Immediately, the smile disappeared, a scowl replacing it.

"Sunshine! Bring it back! You've got such a beautiful smile," Axel protested,_ almost_ blushing. "C'mon, c'mon! You know what? I'm going to make you laugh. I, Axel Jackson Aiden, swear on my honor—"

"What honor?"

"— to make you, Roxas, um, something, Selvoles, laugh. Better watch out, Sunshine. I'll get through to you, even if it's through sheer stubbornness, something I'm the best at.

Roxas hid a small half-smile behind his hand, one that widened slightly when Axel slapped it away.

I sighed happily— that particular year was one of the best years of my life. Maybe… maybe it wasn't so bad, being here. If this wasn't all just a dream, of course. I, for one, would gladly trade my cold, bleak iron cage for this gilded, golden one.

What was it Sax had said? '_No worries here: the past cannot hurt you.'_ He was right. There was no Ansem here, no concerns for the future, no worrying over whether I could make it through another month. This was my past, my few, happy memories. Memories that, I realized, were much, much happier than most of my real life was.

And, if I tried hard enough, I could make it seem as though I really _was_ living it all over again—I could remember what to say and do, especially if I went through the same memory twice. It would be a piece of cake, to just live here. So what if I was seemingly trapped? It didn't matter. I was beginning to think, even if I could leave….

I wouldn't.

**

* * *

End Note:** Ooh, the plot's developing! Isn't that nice, children? Oh, and you get to see a glimpse the younger, more like their game-selves, Axel and Roxas. I needed them to be older for this fic, which is why they're kinda… OOC. I mellowed them out a bit. Made them grow up, y'know? They're a good 3-4 years older. 

Anyways, did anyone notice the symbolism I basically crammed in there in Sax's room? With the cups, and memories? It's like—drinking and eating are times of enjoyment, right? Something you do to have fun. Sax turned the memories into just that. AND, you need food and drink to survive, and, for Sax and Roxas to survive, they need the memories.

Anybody get it? Pweese? -looks around- Oh darn it.

Sorry again for the lateness! I'll do better next time- pwomise!


End file.
